2024 Goals - Engage ADHD Superpower

 

My son, Andrew, was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of seven. I didn't know what to expect when we finally decided to see a child psychologist. His young life had been full of incidents which reflected problematic tendencies linked with this diagnosis, but we had ignored them.  

Although Andrew was a hyper child, I suppose my own pride hindered an earlier search for proper medical testing. My mother consistently noted how Andrew's actions forced memories of another child who acted just like him. I was quite certain she did not mean my laid-back brother. I thought Andrew must be perfectly normal, because I had been a perfectly normal child. Constant rambunctious behavior did not constitute a medical condition, right?

My mother's comparison allowed me to overlook many obvious signs of trouble in Andrew's early development. He practically never slept and was into everything. I thought similar tendencies were typical of other babies.  Finding my toddler on top of the refrigerator one early morning simply proved he was a climber, I needed locks on cabinet drawers, and he was incredibly smart to use those drawers as stairs. Later, medication that calmed most children made Andrew run in circles and cry, "Mommy, I can't stop!". This was certainly a strange reaction, but the doctor said not to worry as other children had experienced the same response.

During Preschool and Kindergarten, Andrew's teachers were family friends and wonderfully tolerant women. They adored Andrew. He excelled in their classrooms, but obvious signs of future problems were overlooked.  

My husband, John, and I now clearly recall those early warning signs. 

Andrew was unable to properly relate to his peers. He often spoke at inappropriate times, refused to wait his turn, was caught daydreaming, and failed to complete assignments on time. Because Andrew was so loved by his teachers, the incomplete assignments became homework, and his inappropriate behavior was overlooked. 

Somewhere during those first years of school, nagging questions began to occasionally invade my thoughts.  Why did Andrew almost never finish his math assignments along with the rest of his class? Why did he come home crying and telling me, "Nobody likes me."?

At times, his misbehavior was even encouraged due to his charm. I will never forget his kindergarten teacher chuckling while informing me of one incident. She said, "I almost punished Andrew for daydreaming today, but before I could say anything he leaned across his desk and started singing to the little girl in front of him. I asked him what I had just said, and he blurted out my words exactly."

Andrew's charm did not impress his first-grade teacher. I'll call her Ms. Strict. My nagging thoughts of a possible problem became continual verbal reprimands as she informed me often of his need for medication.   

I'm not typically a vindictive person, but I had heard of Ms. Strict’s notorious classroom temper. Her concerns over Andrew's behavior were taken seriously and he received proper reprimand at home. However, I seriously denied any need for ADHD testing. Didn't children with ADHD do poorly in school? Andrew always scored high on tests. I secretly thought God was trying to teach her a lesson in patience through my son's defiance. 

It was difficult to contain my amusement when told, "Andrew is the first child I've ever known who can keep his bottom in a chair and still find ways to wiggle."  Another serious conference came about when she "drew a line for Andrew to stand on". Although his feet remained stationary, he "rolled his head around until he became dizzy and fell". 

Unfortunately for Ms. Strict, Andrew was the least of her worries. When investigated, many complaints of apparent physical and mental mistreatment throughout her teaching career were brought to light. She became the physical education coach the following year and soon transferred elsewhere. 

The one positive influence Ms. Strict offered was a desperate desire to prove her unprofessional diagnosis wrong. After a year of being told to have Andrew tested, I complied. John researched possible doctors and made an appointment with a highly recommended child psychologist. 

Upon initially checking in at the appointed clinic, we were ushered into the psychologist's office and informed of the procedures that would ensue. After giving the doctor a brief family history, John and I were given a mountain of paperwork to fill out as Andrew took his turn on the proverbial couch and went through numerous psychological and intellectual tests. 

I slowly recognized that my desire for an alternative diagnosis was highly unlikely as John and I filled in each answer of our massive assignment. Those lists of questions regarding inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive behavior described Andrew perfectly. How could I have been so blind?  

This list of ADHD symptoms in children listed below was found at CHADD - Improving the lives of people affected by ADHD. (The site still has great information and also has information for Adult ADHD management.)

AD/HD predominately inattentive type: (AD/HD-I)5:

·        Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.

·        Has difficulty sustaining attention.

·        Does not appear to listen.

·        Struggles to follow through on instructions.

·        Has difficulty with organization.

·        Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort.

·        Loses things.

·        Is easily distracted.

·        Is forgetful in daily activities.

AD/HD predominately hyperactive-impulsive type: (AD/HD-HI)5:

·        Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair.

·        Has difficulty remaining seated.

·        Runs about or climbs excessively.

·        Difficulty engaging in activities quietly.

·        Acts as if driven by a motor.

·        Talks excessively.

·        Blurts out answers before questions have been completed.

·        Difficulty waiting or taking turns.

·        Interrupts or intrudes upon others.

Andrew and I both learned a lot over the next few years. He scored high enough on the intellect tests for the doctor to recommend no medication. That meant we had to learn and incorporate various mental exercises in order to control our inabilities.

It wasn’t easy. Andrew’s teachers had to be willing to use our methods in their classroom. These included sitting in the front row and tapping Andrew’s desk when they noticed he wasn’t paying attention. In math, Andrew needed to cover all problems except the one he was working on. An ADHD brain sees the whole page and unsuccessfully tries to solve everything at once.

Some teachers were happy to help. Others just sent the work home. Andrew and I spent many nights working late on homework. Often, we both cried through the assignments.

Andrew graduated high school as Saltatorian. He spent seven years with the Air Force in accounting. God was certainly watching out for Andrew throughout this whole ordeal. If we had chosen to use ADHD medication, the Air Force would not have been an option.

After those seven years, Andrew came home and got his associate degree during 2021. He wanted a career in IT and chose to get his certifications through a local technical college in 2022-2023. He started working in his dream career the same month he graduated. Now he is also working on his bachelor’s degree.

Has ADHD hindered either of us? Maybe – before we learned how to manage that disability rather than it managing us. Still - forgetfulness, restlessness, and attention issues will always be a frustrating reality.

Personally, at home I live on lists and prayer. Socially, I work hard to focus on others and gauge when and when not to speak. The mental exercises we learned for Andrew have been very helpful for me. However, I sometimes worry about saying or doing too much or too little, forgetting important things, or making careless mistakes.

One really good thing about having an ADHD brain is that when we enjoy an activity, we get hyper-focused. That can also be not so good. Still, having that ability sometimes feels like channeling a superpower.

Andrew is using that superpower to succeed in his dream career. Unfortunately, I’ve realized that I enjoy far too many art related activities and they have been like a huge page of math problems for me. Covering up most of those options is necessary for success.

This year, my goal – with God’s help – is to focus on a few things that I love and can use as a ministry tool:

1)     I’ve enrolled in an art program that explores several different mediums and focuses on finding your artistic voice. That means, by the end of the year, I will choose one art style to focus on.  

2)     I’m passionate about writing. It’s not something I plan to set aside again. My goal is to schedule writing time once or twice a week. Posting to this blog at least once a week will keep that goal in focus.

3)     Volunteering at church is important to me. It sometimes means studying to lead a small group or be more proficient on the church CG/tech team. That is a focus I’m not giving up.

There may be a fourth focus, but it would have to fit into my schedule after the first three. It would also have to not impede relationships. My personal relationships and the time necessary to maintain them come before any other focus.

Ultimately, I want to live a life focused on God’s plan for me. That is a goal worth searching for. That is where I want my superpower engaged.

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14