What is my voice?

As I have walked through this past week, my mind and heart and hands have been working overtime. There was a lot of studying and soul-searching to be done in order to present a brand image I could be proud of. Not just for myself, but for the legacy this business, The Lace Rose, will represent.

Who knew that color, consistency, and voice were so very important? You may have known. I did not know. I know now!

While I studied and began to implement the ideas learned, it occurred to me that God allowed me to begin working on my voice last year. Finding the courage to write out my story without fear, anger, or depression was a stepping stone toward a more secure, happy, and memorable future. All of those emotions had a purpose. I found my voice.

If any of you have studied archetypes, you may have guessed the direction we are headed toward. The Innocent Archetype's voice is genuine, reassuring, and clear. It is associated with words like: happy, dependable, easy going, simple, fresh, and nostalgic. 

Working on brand image for The Lace Rose is important. However, it is not as important as learning to implement those Innocent Archetype words into actions in my personal daily life. I thank God for leading me to this point in my journey. 

Today, you will see another peek into last year's journaling. It is the last pages of that writing. A moment of clarity, when dark turns to light, realized.

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One of my biggest fears is to grow old ungracefully. I don’t want to be an angry old woman who only remembers the bad parts of her life.

As I write about my past, the thought of being angry and ungrateful can be tempting.

My life has certainly had moments of negativity, but there have been so many more times of joy. That’s right. Despite the bad things that have happened to me, my life hasn’t been so bad. As a matter of fact, I am grateful for where I am today. I am grateful for a husband who loves me. I have two very smart and handsome boys whom I love, and they love me back. My relationship with my parents is healthy. They are a wonderful example of love. I don’t ever doubt their love for me and their family.

Even during my childhood, which had absolutely tragic moments, there were other wonderful moments. Am I grateful for my past? I’m not sure that is a yes or no answer. There are certainly moments I’m grateful for. Certainly, I’m grateful for my family – both immediate and extended. My grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins were always such a huge part of my life as a child. There are so many fun memories of family gatherings. Those memories are full of love.

I am grateful that my past wasn’t worse. It could have been worse. Other women have had to endure a thousand times worse than my past.

Do I want to remember the negative moments? No. No, there is no desire to remember those moments. Those memories come without invitation. They are uninvited guests that live in my mind.

Writing about those moments – in a way that is healthy – without depression or anger – is my way of admitting that those moments exist. They happened. There is nothing I can do to change that fact. What I can do is accept that fact, mourn the loss of innocence, and find peace in knowing that I survived. I not only survived, but also found a way to love myself again.

I do. I love myself. I love the life God has blessed me with.

I also found more than an agreement with an angry Heavenly Father. I found a loving relationship with Christ. Jesus really does love me for who I am. Yes. God is FOR me. 

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In the hardest moments, Jesus was there. He lifted me up above the dark waters of depression. He gave me strength to get through each moment.

Moment by Moment. Second by Second. His strength sustained me when I was at the weakest points of my life. 

He is there for you too. His strength will sustain you when you feel you cannot move. He will walk with you through those tsunami waves. Through His strength you will come through the storm – victorious.